Wednesday, June 18, 2008

96 Times More Bitter

*From Monday, June 16th 2008*

Today was my first day working full-time at Finn Chiropractic. I came home from the first part of my day, 8:30am-12pm, EXHAUSTED. I don't know what was wrong with me. I hadn't felt that tired in a long time. I honestly thought I was going to crash my car because I was in such a fog. Luckily, I made it home unscathed.

At home, while I was making lunch for the boys and myself, Josh started telling me about his morning with Jude. The little guy was super tired, and cried himself to an exhausted sleep on Josh's chest. This phenomenon of falling asleep sans boob in the mouth rarely occurs, and Josh was STOKED to get to indulge in a two-hour-long nap with his son. I have to be honest, people of the internet... I was bitter at hearing that news. There I was, so. freaking. tired. and hungry. and tired. and wanting sympathy, and what do I get? A play-by-play of all the napping goodness my husband and son shared. Jerks.

I expressed my displeasure at having missed out on the napping to Josh. "And yes," I said, "I do realize that I get to nap with Jude all the time, but I DON'T CARE (insert foot stomping)! I'm tired (stomp!), and you got to nap TODAY (stomp, stomp!). And IT'S NOT FAIR (pout!)!" That short monologue got me a rather amused look, and after some quick math work, Josh told me that he was 96 times more bitter than I was.

Josh's math is a little off, thought I don't think he realizes it yet. Josh somehow equated me working three times a week for about eight months with me napping just three times a week for eight months. (3 times/week at an average of 4 weeks in a month times 8 months of Jude's life equals 96 times more bitter than I am.) In reality, the math really works out like this:

Number of days Jude has been alive - 391
Average number of naps I take with Jude daily - 1.5
Total number of days I haven't napped with Jude - 3

*(391-3) X 1.5 = 582

By my calculations, Josh should be 582 times more bitter than I am for having missed out on napping with our son. I guess I'm lucky he majored in English and not math. Could you imagine the resentment if he realized that he had the right to be more than 6 times more bitter than he thinks he ought to be? Wow.

*Don't forget 5th grade math. Order of operations = P E D/M A/S

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